Some clicks from recent past.....

A very Merry Christmas that I had this year.....one of my favorite times in 2010....... :))

Cute little fancies of nature.....pity that they are caged...life should mean freedom...

This bloomed on 31st Dec 2010.....a very positive beginning of 2011

One beautiful thing that I learnt in Germany.....decorating the windows.....after all, beauty inside is what is reflected outside.......

Prost Neues Jahr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rumour Has IT!!!!

Trying to write after a long hiatus is always tough, especially when at the moment I am stuck with bad gossip all around me....my so-dont-care attitude isn't helping me either....I am STUCK and STUCK-SO-BAD.....Now, I do feel the need of a much required BFF (alas, I don't have any). It feels like an endless series of cobwebs around me that could only be disentangled once I vomit out everything in my mind (trust me, its really a lot and stinks of gossip). I feel like the protagonist of a typical had-everything-and-lost-it-all-to-find-it-again movie, the only difference being I still have to find it again. I feel strange having everything and still searching for shards of luck and relief. Strangely and yet so obviously, it isn't that easy. I am impatient, over-sensitive and acting like a total control freak these days and I don't know why!!! I guess some more emotional control on my part would smooth things out but that's a far-fetched idea considering that the year 2010 was a total roller coaster for me, seeing the worst and the best phase in my life and now a mix of both which is indeed driving me bonkers. If I were to make a wish, it would be to achieve mental peace and calm in 2011. I hope God listens to me soon, not for my sake but for the sake of my near and dear ones (damn the phrase) considering the fact that I am driving them crazy owing to my own craziness. Dear God, just a little peace and a many happy endings would make this little kid of yours a much better person to be with. I hope you are listening....

 And, by the by....A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ONE AND ALL...and may God listen to you as well once he is done listening to me..........

Certain Uncertainities.......

At the moment, I am trying to pass some time before I sleep since the next thing I have in my plans is to fly to India tomorrow early morning......It's pretty much certain that I am going to come back.....but still an unsaid uncertainity hangs around.....Someone very close to my heart is so worried about me being able to make it back and that everything goes as it has been planned......but alas, we are no makers of our own destiny.... None of us can predict with certainity the future-near or far.....I am worried not about me but about the people who care about me and I am pretty much sure that such phase comes once or more than once in everyone's life.

Uncertainities are the spice of life- sweet or salty depends on the taker. I can't cease to wonder how life would be if it were not for these uncertain coincidences, those chance meetings, the flicks of luck or misfortunes....what if everything went as if it were planned? Well, 'certainly' life would have been easier for most of us except for those moments of happiness that we search in surprises, the joy that lightens up your face when luck favors you unexpectedly, the beauty that nature gives in the form of exceptions........

But happiness would be possessed by those who toiled hard but couldn't reach their goals, or never bothered to believe in serendipity.... There would be nothing called fate, no emotions in their varied forms, no sadness to be followed by good times.... A certain consistency would be taken for granted.That is indeed great since what better can one want out of life except consistency. At least this is what people demand, quite easily forgetting about the boredom that prevails after consistency is established.

Luckily, I am not one of those. I like to believe in luck, that bad times are always followed by good times and that there is always a greater good. These uncertainities have taught me how to appreciate the finer and mostly ignored moments that brighten up the life, for you never know when fate might toss the coin and you lose what you hold the dearest.....

Its easier said than done-living each moment to the fullest. But its one thing that I have learnt with time. What you see is not custom-made portions of life filled in each moment, but the way you decide to look at that moment is custom-made by each one of us. Life is what an individual decides it to be......But, sometimes its better to be a mere observer and let things decide for themselves.

Be it happiness or sadness, its always better to appreciate what is served in your platter for you never know when fate tosses its coin again and shows you the other half.

Black....

Black is the color of the Little Black Dress which has adorned the red carpet for years...Black is what the sky is on a no-moon night.....Black is the color of dark....Black is the Black Hole in the universe.....Black is the Black body to absorb all radiations....Black is the color of secrets....Black means no discrimination....Black means sexy.....Black means homogenity....Black means the black cat that crosses your way.....Black means the goth and punk....Black is the color of gentlemen....Black is for mourning....Black means you miss the one you love....Black is Krishna....Black is powerful......Black is the color of serious-comedy......Black is in Kuro-nobility, age and experience......Black is the black sheep......Black is in Black Metal.....Black lies in black light.....Black is for anarchists.....Black is how a blind man sees the world.....Black is the color of desire.....Black is what infinity is....Black is in Black diamond......Black is everything what white isn't.......Black is where your imagination ends.....

The most sexy, powerful, elegant, homogenous color- Black. Its not just a color but a mix of those numerous amalgamted expressions which drive you and me alike......

Society-social or anti-social

As life moves on, we come across many people....good or bad lies in the perspective....but for me mostly good or as I like to believe. Observing people has been one of my favorite pastime....you never realize how complex a human can be.....social animals as we are called, humans are far more than social. Social or anti-social....anti-social in the sense opposing the society in one or more different ways, be it quiet denial or a loud retaliation or may be more louder....like the terrorists do...but they are not my point of interest. I just used 'anti-social' in the perspective I see it....not in the perspective many would like to see it as. Anyway, life changes fast....a loser in high school may be an achiever in the real life or the other way round....and at each point of time, a person has some spoken or unspoken beliefs about oneself being right and the society, in any frame-family,friends or community, being wrong. Struggling to keep up with this belief is human nature,as we see, humans are quite resistant to change, some may show it while some may just accept the change for a better acceptance in the society since change is what the society brings into an individual despite being thought the other way. Fashion for example is a change, an individual might not be comfortable in skin-hugging pants but would wear it for the sake that a certain group(read society) of people believe it is what the latest trend(read change) is...and to be a part of such a change there are many compromises from the individual's side.....comfort being the first one. But these are minor changes. What about the comfort on a larger canvas? What about a girl who wants to marry a guy of her choice while the society believes that arranged marriage is the right thing? The so-called moral police who forbids an attire of somebody's choice just because that is what the religious texts forbid....encroaching a person's personal life just for the sake of society which by definition is nothing more than a group of like minded people. I cant stop wondering why an individual is dragged into this group of like minded people even when she does not want to. Where does freedom and the countless minds in search of freedom vanish? Be it on any level, its not by personal will that a person is a part of any society.....peer pressure, need of acceptance and many more factors influence an individual. When a person says " I am living my life on my own terms......." those terms are still influenced by countless conditions, known or unknown. Freedom is never available in the literal sense, always conditioned and presented in a way that from outside it always appears as freedom in its true sense. But such high is the human need for acceptance by all and being able to make everyone happy that this need overpowers every minor or major flaw in the relation of individual freedom and society. And in the end, what is established is a harmony or a 'so-called' co-existence between an individual and the society...and this blend is so smooth and homogenous from above that howsoever hard one tries, one may never be able to decipher the turbulence in the bottom. Such is life and such is the society which frames an individual......

Hope, faith, trust and ME

Not that I have been that reliable for people or have ever proved my worth to anyone in being as close as being a true friend of sorts. I have indeed tarried with people's emotions at times, making them believe that I have been someone whom they can rely upon, rather proving it that I am in fact as trustworthy as anybody else could have never been. But what I know and keep to myself is I am nothing more than an onion, a lame comparison though, but an onion has layers of peeling but ultimately nothing inside. Yet, its basic human nature to trust and have faith in people, sometimes more than one's own self.

People whose trust is broken tend to be hopeful at times or for that sake, most of the times. Hope comes as a part of natural reaction to anything that a person might term unnatural or something that wasn't meant to happen to her at least. Then, in the most natural set of circumstances, faith comes into play. Whether it be faith in something supernatural as God or one's own self. Faith does to people what nothing else can. Sometimes, though might lead them to an abyss. People, with broken trust or hurt feelings, tend to alienate themselves in a quest of judging themselves or simply because they are more than ready to blame everyone around them. But, this isn't perpetual. The more they alienate, the more they realize that there were better options or missed opportunities. Yet, they tend to be repulsive to anything that comes on their way. May be this is what human nature is. One always repents things done without prior thought and yet stands up only to prove what one did could have been correct had things fallen into the right place. It takes a while to realize one's own fault.

A cocktail of hope, faith and trust is what brings an individual from being an individual to being a social being, or, perhaps decides if the person is social or not. There can be many other factors, but something so not palpable and yet so dominating is this cocktail.

The reader must be wondering by now that the title mentions ME and there isn't any mention of my own hopes, my faith and what I trust. Well, certainly I don't think I have a knack for judging people but I tend to generalize whatever happens with me and try relating it with people's reactions is similar situations. So, I am able to survive in a bliss that my thoughts aren't that specific and limited but do carry a waft of generalization and certainly a few might be able to relate to it. Yet, I tend to put my trust on wrong people and I do repent at times, but to the world, I must put up a poker-face and act as if nothing has ever gone wrong with me. I have tried my level best in succeeded in shattering the blind faith that anybody could ever have in me.
Though the best it resulted in people sympathizing with me and my circumstances. But how could I be so weak or emotionally labile to let somebody enter my territory of thoughts and influence me.So,I stopped accepting my faults and fell into the above mentioned abyss of solitude.This only led to criticism and bad-mouthing about me but I was certainly happy that now I was free to wander in my open territory of thoughts, my hope and my faith.

I err, I fall, I repent and yet stand with my head held high simply to prove that this cocktail is indeed intoxicating, though its effects may be either pros or either cons........peace.

I heard it coming.....

After my last post, my circumstantial limitations, as i had bothered to tag them, seem to be easing and I was happily boasting that since like forever I knew things were going to change. Things do change but then comes the perspective of looking at things, and mind it, it indeed is an important factor that, as I had previously written, brings calm to your countenance or might end up hampering your progress mid-way. But, I am no one to preach on anything as remotely related to temperament or how it is to be controlled considering the fact that I have never had control over mine.

After a recent accident, I again got curled up in my cocoon or so I tried to. I was so flabbergasted at the serendipity of bad luck colliding with me time and again. I retorted to my I-heard-it-coming jingle yet again, but this time attached a negative connotation to it. Negative thinking again seemed to have overpowered me yet again.

P.S posting this article the way I left it..... just to remind myself of how lazy and reckless I can be..... :)