Hope, faith, trust and ME

Not that I have been that reliable for people or have ever proved my worth to anyone in being as close as being a true friend of sorts. I have indeed tarried with people's emotions at times, making them believe that I have been someone whom they can rely upon, rather proving it that I am in fact as trustworthy as anybody else could have never been. But what I know and keep to myself is I am nothing more than an onion, a lame comparison though, but an onion has layers of peeling but ultimately nothing inside. Yet, its basic human nature to trust and have faith in people, sometimes more than one's own self.

People whose trust is broken tend to be hopeful at times or for that sake, most of the times. Hope comes as a part of natural reaction to anything that a person might term unnatural or something that wasn't meant to happen to her at least. Then, in the most natural set of circumstances, faith comes into play. Whether it be faith in something supernatural as God or one's own self. Faith does to people what nothing else can. Sometimes, though might lead them to an abyss. People, with broken trust or hurt feelings, tend to alienate themselves in a quest of judging themselves or simply because they are more than ready to blame everyone around them. But, this isn't perpetual. The more they alienate, the more they realize that there were better options or missed opportunities. Yet, they tend to be repulsive to anything that comes on their way. May be this is what human nature is. One always repents things done without prior thought and yet stands up only to prove what one did could have been correct had things fallen into the right place. It takes a while to realize one's own fault.

A cocktail of hope, faith and trust is what brings an individual from being an individual to being a social being, or, perhaps decides if the person is social or not. There can be many other factors, but something so not palpable and yet so dominating is this cocktail.

The reader must be wondering by now that the title mentions ME and there isn't any mention of my own hopes, my faith and what I trust. Well, certainly I don't think I have a knack for judging people but I tend to generalize whatever happens with me and try relating it with people's reactions is similar situations. So, I am able to survive in a bliss that my thoughts aren't that specific and limited but do carry a waft of generalization and certainly a few might be able to relate to it. Yet, I tend to put my trust on wrong people and I do repent at times, but to the world, I must put up a poker-face and act as if nothing has ever gone wrong with me. I have tried my level best in succeeded in shattering the blind faith that anybody could ever have in me.
Though the best it resulted in people sympathizing with me and my circumstances. But how could I be so weak or emotionally labile to let somebody enter my territory of thoughts and influence me.So,I stopped accepting my faults and fell into the above mentioned abyss of solitude.This only led to criticism and bad-mouthing about me but I was certainly happy that now I was free to wander in my open territory of thoughts, my hope and my faith.

I err, I fall, I repent and yet stand with my head held high simply to prove that this cocktail is indeed intoxicating, though its effects may be either pros or either cons........peace.